I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
