Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
