need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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