He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
