We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
