im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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