god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
