She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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