proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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