I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
