i think my mom watched the whole time
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize