Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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