Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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