I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
