This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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