Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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