when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
