dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
