I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
