dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
