Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
