thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
