Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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