In the future we'll all be gay
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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