i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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