i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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