I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
