do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I need to stop coming to work sober
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
