At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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