Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
