he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
