we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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