i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
