If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I touched a dick in church today
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
