Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
