we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
