I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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