I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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