Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
