Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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