I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
