i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
