I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
