This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
