I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
