You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
