ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
