Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
