Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This is my gift to your gina
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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