Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
