Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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