I want to stick my p in your. b.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
