Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
