Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
