A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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