you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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