i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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