did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
