We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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