I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
