is your mom at the bar?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
