those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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