Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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