I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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