me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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