i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
