i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
