it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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